The Deep End- How I Almost Quit Triathlon Pt. I

When I started this website, I had some very specific goals.

1) Not piss my mom off with more risqué photos

2) Document my physical journeys in Triathlon (i.e. race reports)

3) Document my mental journey in Triathlon/Life

So far, I've managed to completely butcher the first goal and put out some material on the second. But I've been noticeably silent on the third. That's because bringing people inside your head isn't the easiest thing to do. So I wrote, but I always felt like I was putting something off. I was ignoring the fact that I had some important things to talk about.

But then I realized that NOT talking about the "deep end" of competitive sport and my life would be disingenuous. The damn website's literally called "Mind + Motion". Now I don't claim to be an expert on any of the material I'm going to talk about. But when I can offer is a candid summary of how I almost walked away from a sport I loved. This "series" is going to be a little different than my usual posts, but hopefully you will find some value in what I'm saying. Whether you're looking for ways to up your mental game, or get out of a similar rut, if you take the time to read through these, hopefully it'll give you some ideas that you can bring into your own life.

Now this isn't a sob story. It's a precautionary tale. And it is a story of resurgence. And it might take you by surprise. This is the "Mind" in Mind + Motion. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how strong your legs are. If you're weak between the ears, this sport will crush you. Like it almost crushed me.

.

..

...

..

.

Rewind- Summer 2015

Some days I wish money didn't exist. At the ripe age of 21, I feel like I'm staring down a fork in the road. Except, instead of two paths, there are thousands. They twist, they turn, they overlap. If there were a thousand of me, I'd travel down each one to see where they lead. Which ones would make me successful? Which ones would make me happy? Which ones would lead me to both? But I can't travel down all these paths. Too often, I've tried. Except that practice spreads you too thin and mediocrity becomes the standard. You can't let that happen.

There is nothing wrong with being a "jack of all trades". But when you are doing something, all your focus and energy should be dedicated on THAT specific goal. Don't punish your brain by overtraining it at first. Just like anything, learning how to focus is a learned art. Too often, we will try and over-focus, end up burning out, and resort back to our natural tendencies. Practice focusing during workouts. See how long you can last. Gauge your progress. Acknowledge your failures and then let. it. go. If you allow your mind to wander to the millions of other things you need to do, then you have failed at being present.

A lot of people ask what I think about during long rides or runs. My answer?

Everything and Nothing.

At the same time.

To bring this back to my initial point, I was far too occupied last summer with staring down that fork in the road. My friends were taking LSAT prep courses while I was travelling and racing. Was I making the right decision? Was I spending too much money? I opted not to work last summer because I knew I'd be stretching myself thin working at the tennis club and putting out big training. But apparently working means income. I realized that a little too late. Enter Life Stress #1. Self-funding an entire season of racing, travel, equipment, haircuts etc. turned out to be a big blow to the Prakky Investment Fund. Super big shout to Mom and Dad Pandya, as well as the teamLPC Hurdle Project for helping me out in this department. The first few months went ok, but then I started to realize that the dollar amount in my savings account was shrinking faster than the Taco Pizza at Hungry Howie's (Side note: Floridians take Hungry Howie's and Taco Pizza really seriously). I'm still working on figuring this aspect of the sport out. Hopefully I figure it out sooner than later because the season is quickly approaching.

So. Was I making the right decision? I didn't know. I still don't know. But I let it stress me out instead of being PRESENT at what I was doing. My "mind" suffered as well as my "motion". This might come as a surprise to some, but I see myself as a chronic underperformer. Too often I have settled for what is "easy". When people talk about completely "emptying the tank" or "fighting up a weight class" during a race, I envy them. I have experienced that once. My first (and only) half marathon nearly three years ago. Last summer, there were only one or two fleeting moments where I felt like I had transcended my physical capabilities and put out something extraordinary. This season, regardless of my fitness, the main goal will be trying to bring that type of focus to my races. Because the best know how to do that. They have taught themselves.

If you want to truly excel at this sport, or any sport for that matter, you're going to have to get rid of the idea that only fitness will help you achieve your goals. Fitness will get you to the start line. It will help you through the first part of the race. But somewhere along the line, things are going to start to hurt. Will you have the ability to shed the physical restrictions you have placed on yourself? When people talk about "no limits" they're not making something up to motivate you to "try" harder. They're literally telling you there ARE NO LIMITS. You just have to be willing/ready to read between the lines.

.

..

...

..

.

Life Stress #2 was/is much more serious.

It's funny how misleading social media can be. If you looked at my posts from last year, you'd probably think that I was having the time of my life putting together a particularly sweet rookie season. And I was. But just like everyone who is going to read this, I was fighting my own personal battles that I didn't feel comfortable sharing at the time.

Life can throw some nasty curveballs. Too often, our heads are down and we get hit unexpectedly. That's what last year was about for my family and I. Dealing with the biggest curveball of my life by having a family member who was extremely ill. Lots of sleepless nights. A revolving door of doctors, nurses, and specialists. Fear. And stress. The days started to mesh into one another. I'd wake up in the morning longing to go back to sleep. Because when I woke up, the nightmare would start.

You know how they say pain is relative? Never forget that. Your pain does not invalidate others. There's does not invalidate yours. If you look at suffering as a spectrum, you are missing the point. But if that's the case, then your response to suffering or pain should be similar- regardless of the circumstance. Want to know what you should do? If you're hurting, find a way to stop the pain. Don't throw a Band-aid on it. OWN your problem. Don't push it aside. Look at it from every few possible. Find cracks. Attack. If someone you know is suffering, then apply the same principle.

I tried so hard last summer to follow this principle. I would rate my performance as good. It could have been better. Some days I felt like I was SBR-ing away from this problem. I should have used these opportunities of solitude to work on fixing the issues. If anyone ever asks you why you SBR and you don't respond to some degree that it is meditative or therapeutic, then you're doing this for the wrong reasons. I'm not joking. This isn't about losing weight, winning races, making money etc. This is much more. And respect for that will take you farther than you ever imagined.

In sum, Life Stress #2 had me questioning the security I had taken for granted far too long. And it was slowly breaking me down.

The perfect storm was brewing.

.

..

...

..

.

This story is far from over. In fact, this is just the beginning. There's much more coming. But until next time, don't treat this like an unfinished story. If you read between the lines, there is already positivity brewing. This might appear like a story about my problems from last year, but what it's actually about is how I'm learning to move past them. Take that positivity and bring it into your own life. And then pass it on to others. The positivity movement starts with one positive action. And you can be that catalyst.

Until next time.

Prakash